Has anyone heard of women-friendly Doritos?

Can’t say I’ve heard of women-friendly Doritos, but I’ve heard about lady-friendly Doritos, which are supposedly to be quieter and less messy than what guys generally eat. Go figure. Apparently, women don’t like to be too noisy when they eat, have Doritos dust on their face and fingers or eat out of bags that they can’t hid in their purses. Indra Nooyi, the chief executive of PepsiCo (the parent company of Doritos) says, “Although women would love to crunch [chips] loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.” Who would have guessed?

My bathmates won’t help clean our bathroom. I’ve left notes and talked to them, but the bathroom is still gross. What can I do?

Your bathmates obviously have mistaken you for the hired help. Short of putting an “out of order” sign on the door, hiding the toilet paper, putting a plastic snake in the toilet, and plugging the drains with old washcloths, you could just stop caring and start taking a shower in your friend’s bathroom down the hall.

Seriously, though, have you thought about making a chore chart? This is what bathmates and I do and it works pretty well.

If that idea lacks appeal, you could always turn snitch and rat them out to your RA. Or, you could move to another room. Or, better yet, get the RA make THEM move to another room and they can become another student’s problem.

And, if none of the above works, maybe you can just “out messy” them and turn the whole place into a bat cave.

How do I become cool?

First of all, don’t try too hard to be cool. That’s definitely not cool. But you should try to at least dress kind of cool or at least get some cool friends loan you their clothes. Getting kind of good grades is definitely cool. You don’t want people to think you ain’t got it goin’ on upstairs. Or, join a cool club ‘cause everyone there will think you are cool because you like the same stuff. Hang out with a bunch of cool girls or cool guys and be content to bask in their coolness. Seriously, though, cool people have their own goals and interests, are content with themselves, are thoughtful and honorable. Those qualities alone will make you cool.

All my friends are annoying. What should I do?
Well, I guess you could look for new friends. But, my guess is that, if you think ALL your friends are annoying, you just might be the culprit. Are your friends chronically late, or are you the one who is chronically late? Do your friends talk too much about themselves, or are you the one who talks too much about yourself? Who is the one who is always short of cash when the check comes? Who is the one who never pays them back?

If just one or two friends are occasionally annoying, remember that they probably find you periodically annoying, too. But, if you know the fault isn’t with you, why not just call them on their stuff and see if they are willing to become less annoying. If not, take out an ad in the next issue of the Campus Chronicle for new friends and see what happens